Guess people were right, Californians really are ruining Texas. 

Comedian and recent Austin transplant Tony Hinchcliffe’s stupid, racist attempt at “jokes” on Sunday at a rally for former President Trump may have freshly alienated some entirely new voters ahead of next week’s election. 

At the rally in Madison Square Garden in New York, Hinchcliffe opened his mouth and barfed out: “These Latinos, they love making babies, too … There’s no pulling out. They don’t do that. They come inside, just like they did to our country.” 

Then he went for his big finish: “I don’t know if you guys know this, but there’s literally a floating island of garbage in the middle of the ocean right now. I think it’s called Puerto Rico.”

The joke was so bad that it bombed at a Trump rally. But Hinchcliffe wasn’t done! 

He also joked about one of his Black “buddies” and how they “carved watermelons” together.

As a longtime comic myself, the issue with Hinchcliffe’s jokes (for starters) is that there aren’t any punchlines. There are no well-crafted setups with clever endings, there are no funny observations — the punchline is just that he’s daring to say something racist. It’s a really old-fashioned approach to doing comedy: He says something offensive, then hopes that enough unfunny people guffaw along.

The disaster immediately spread online, overshadowing the rest of the rally. And you’d better believe the Trump campaign tried to pretend that they had no idea who they’d booked for the show. 

If you’re not familiar with Hinchcliffe, congrats on having good taste. 

He styles himself as a roast comic and, thus, won some praise during his appearance on Netflix’s roast of Tom Brady. He’s part of the sludge of edgelord West Coast comics who moved to Austin from Los Angeles during the pandemic to be part of Joe Rogan’s orbit. He’s one of those guys who gets preemptively mad at you for not laughing at jokes that try too hard to be offensive. 

Hinchcliffe’s main claim to fame is his live show, “Kill Tony,” in which he is routinely the least funny person on stage. It’s popular among dudes in your replies who think that “libtard” is a snappy response.

And at a political rally, even a MAGA one, it comes off especially badly. It was pretty clear that Hinchcliffe needs his safe spaces to get laughs — and even that wasn’t good enough on Sunday.

As the criticism rolled in, senior adviser Danielle Alvarez made a last-second attempt to distance the Trump campaign: “This joke does not reflect the views of President Trump or the campaign.” Nevermind the fact that Hinchcliffe is known for this stuff: A couple of years ago, he made headlines for calling an Asian comic a “filthy little fucking Ch*nk.”

Within hours of Sunday’s rally, Puerto Rican leaders, celebrities, and influencers came out swinging against Hinchliffe’s “jokes.” Ricky Martin, Jennifer Lopez, and superstar Bad Bunny all endorsed Kamala Harris for president.

Republicans, too, tried to distance themselves from Hinchcliffe. I’m sure they’re keenly aware that Puerto Ricans are a crucial voting bloc, especially in Florida and Pennsylvania, where there are 1.1 million and 472,000 Puerto Ricans, respectively.

(If Hinchcliffe manages to cost Trump a swing state, he may have finally accomplished his goal in life: actually being funny.)

Even Florida Sen. Rick Scott said: “This joke bombed for a reason. It’s not funny and it’s not true. Puerto Ricans are amazing people and amazing Americans!” When you’ve lost Florida-based Republicans and former Fox News journalist Geraldo Rivera, you’ve officially bombed. 

“Fuck these racists. Latino men of good will, have pride in yourselves and your ancestors,” Rivera wrote on X. “A vote for Trump is a vote against self-respect.” 

Democrats also jumped in. Watching on a live stream, Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Walz asked Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, “Who is that jackwad? Who is that guy?” Good questions, Tim!

Walz went on to explain that Puerto Ricans “pay taxes” and “serve in the military at almost a higher rate than anybody else.”

Ocasio-Cortez responded, “Obviously, it’s super upsetting to me. My family’s from Puerto Rico.”

Hinchcliffe whined a response on X after the backlash, writing: “I love Puerto Rico and vacation there. I made fun of everyone.” He added, “Watch the whole set.” (I did. Spoiler: It’s all bad.) 

Hinchcliffe proved he’s also not funny online, telling his detractors: “I’m a comedian Tim…might be time to change your tampon” and then claiming people were taking the jokes “out of context.” 

Still in his feelings, Hinchcliffe later retweeted a clip of Don Rickles performing at Ronald Reagan’s second inauguration, implying that his lazy schtick was within the bounds of normal political events. 

Counterpoint: Don Rickles has been dead for seven years, and if you stuck a mic by his grave right now, he’d still be funnier than Tony Hinchcliffe. 

Brian Gaar is a senior editor for The Barbed Wire. A longtime Texas journalist, he has written for the Austin American-Statesman, the Waco Tribune-Herald, Texas Monthly, and many other publications. He...