UPDATE, Apr. 22, 6:15 p.m.: Elon Musk confirmed Tuesday afternoon, during Tesla’s earnings call, that “my time allocation to DOGE will drop significantly” likely starting in May, Axios reported.
“I think I’ll continue to spend a day or two per week on government matters for as long as the President would like me to do so and as long as it would be useful,” Musk said.
PREVIOUS STORY: In a plot twist no one saw coming — mostly because we all stopped paying attention out of emotional self-preservation — it appears Elon Musk’s deeply exhausting stint as the White House’s chief hatchet man is finally circling the drain.
According to a Washington Post report, Musk, the man whose job description at the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) sounded like the fever dream of a Reddit moderator, is allegedly ready to pack up his flamethrower and head back to his regularly scheduled midlife crisis (aka offering women his sperm). The reason? According to the Post, he’s apparently grown “tired of fielding what he views as a slew of nasty and unethical attacks from the political left.” One can only assume the left got in line behind every single colleague who’s ever had to sit through a meeting with him.
Musk, whose biggest achievement in government efficiency seems to be transforming a $2 trillion budget cut into a $150 billion shrug, believes DOGE will somehow keep chugging along without him. Because in this administration, “success” is just a matter of lowering expectations until even doing the bare minimum feels like a major win.
Musk hasn’t confirmed the rumors — possibly because he’s too busy rage-quitting video games or misquoting philosophers. But his status as a special government employee is expected to expire at the end of May. That means that either he has to leave, or go through the process of being an actual government employee.
Meanwhile, behind the scenes, it sounds like his co-workers are as annoyed by Musk as we are.
One anonymous official, speaking to Rolling Stone, put it less diplomatically: “Talking to the guy is sometimes like listening to really rusty nails on a chalkboard. He’s just the most irritating person I’ve ever had to deal with, and that is saying something.”
Which, given the current cast of the Trump administration, is really saying something. When this collection of flunkies and losers think you are the most irritating, that’s a bigger accomplishment than any of Elon’s made-up video game accolades.
And even SpaceX pal Jared Isaacman, now Trump’s NASA nominee, couldn’t sprint away from Musk fast enough during his Senate confirmation. “They work for us, not the other way around,” he said, referring to contractors. Translation: ‘Please stop asking me about Elon. I’m trying to look employable.’
Adding to Musk’s growing pile of problems is the increasingly awkward fact that his other day job — you know, the one where he’s supposed to be running Tesla — isn’t going so hot either. Investors are sharpening their pitchforks ahead of Tesla’s quarterly earnings, as the company’s stock price and brand reputation have both taken a beating while Musk moonlights as Trump’s Minister of Shitty Ideas. Analysts warn that his continued focus on politics could leave permanent skid marks on Tesla’s future, with Wedbush analyst Daniel Ives calling it a “moment of truth” for a CEO whose attention span seems stretched thinner than a Cybertruck’s panel gaps.
“If he picks staying with DOGE and the Trump White House, the future of Tesla could be negatively altered permanently,” Ives said. “The brand damage he’s created by being part of the Trump administration has already been a devastating blow to Tesla’s reputation, stock and confidence.”
So, as the world’s richest online troll prepares to ride off into the sunset, we can breathe a collective sigh of relief (not really, but let’s relish these little victories). Musk came to Washington promising to disrupt the system, and boy, did he ever — just not in the way anyone wanted. Now, with his departure apparently imminent, we can finally go back to our regularly scheduled programming of dysfunction, but at least it’ll be slightly less insufferable.
Godspeed, Elon. And take your PowerPoint budget cuts and cartoon supervillain ego with you — the government’s already got more than enough guys failing upward.
