Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones was humiliated on his 82nd birthday Sunday when the Detroit Lions came to town and thrashed his team — and he took it out on some local radio hosts. 

The ass-whipping was so bad that the Lions repeatedly ran trick plays just to try and get an offensive lineman a touchdown.

Jones did not take this well. And he REALLY didn’t take it well on Tuesday during his regular call-in to radio station 105.3 The Fan. This is typically a friendly appearance full of softball questions that allow Jerry to drawl on about the team while the hosts dutifully slobber all over him.

But Jones wasn’t in the mood on Tuesday. 

When asked about the team roster and the Cowboys’ lack of moves over the offseason, Jerry lashed out at the befuddled morning DJs.

“This is not your job,” he said. “Your job isn’t to let me go over all the reasons that I did something and I’m sorry that I did it. That’s not your job. … I’ll get somebody else to ask these questions, men. I’m not kidding.”

Yikes! Billionaires really don’t like to be questioned about football — or paternity cases. And when they get mad, they pull their trump card: Threatening your job. Super cool. 

If you’re wondering, the Cowboys used to be really good; they won three Super Bowls in the 90s. But Jones couldn’t handle star coach Jimmy Johnson getting all the attention, so he promptly ran Johnson off. And the Cowboys haven’t won another championship since the 1995 season. 

Jones has spent the last 30 years trying to recreate that magic, to no avail. And that’s why he’s the living embodiment of this tweet. 

Anyway, that’s why Jerry Jones is mad today. The Cowboys suck, it’s his fault, and billionaires are petty little babies. 

Brian Gaar is a senior editor for The Barbed Wire. A longtime Texas journalist, he has written for the Austin American-Statesman, the Waco Tribune-Herald, Texas Monthly, and many other publications. He...