First, I’d like to say that I love men. 

Many of my close friends are men, I pursue romance with men, and I intend to keep doing so. 

But I’d also like to say that the level of emotional immaturity and lack of self knowledge we permit in them is unacceptable. While I don’t have a solution for that besides 10 years of mandatory quality therapy, in the near-term it’s still up to women to do the dating detective work. 

Here are five phrases that should send you running if you hear them from a man you’re dating (and please don’t ask how I acquired this hard-won wisdom). And yes, this is written from a hetero cis female perspective — because that’s what I am — but the insights apply broadly.

Val Brains is an irreverent author/illustrator and humor enthusiast. Her joys include gardening, stand-up comedy, exploring relational intelligence and provoking the public. Preorder her latest, The Hot...