It’s almost the Fourth of July, and I have no idea what to do with it this year. I guess I could grill something? Or wave a sparkler and pretend things are normal? But it just feels bizarre, like clapping for a magic trick while the magician bleeds out backstage. The red, white, and blue […]
Author Archives: Brian Gaar
Brian Gaar is a senior editor for The Barbed Wire. A longtime Texas journalist, he has written for the Austin American-Statesman, the Waco Tribune-Herald, Texas Monthly, and many other publications. He was also a writer and producer at the beloved Austin production company, Rooster Teeth.
Brian grew up in Wichita Falls and graduated from The University of Texas at Austin. He's a veteran Austin comedian and released a standup album that hit #2 on the iTunes comedy charts (thanks, Jim Gaffigan). He also hosted a late-night comedy show, ATX Uncensored(ish), on Austin's NBC affiliate.
Posted inPolitics
Texas Bans Lab-Grown Meat, Declares Freedom Only Counts If It Mooed First
It’s official: Texas has lassoed itself another big win for freedom — by banning it. Yes, in a bold stand for liberty, small government, and the God-given right to eat things that once mooed, the Texas Legislature has banned the sale of lab-grown meat. If you were hoping to celebrate your next tailgate — or […]
Posted inNews
THC Remains Legal in Texas After Abbott Veto
THC is still legal in Texas after Gov. Greg Abbott vetoed a bill Sunday night that would have banned all THC products in the state. But the battle isn’t over: Soon after the veto, Abbott called lawmakers back to Austin for a special session on July 21 to, among other things, regulate THC in the […]
Posted inPolitics
Tucker Carlson Wrecks Ted Cruz, and Somehow We’re Cheering
Cheering for Tucker Carlson over Ted Cruz is like rooting for leprosy over a root canal, but here we are. Carlson, the former Fox News host who is less likeable than a group chat with your ex, your boss, and your mom, bodied Texas’ least favorite senator in an interview clip that had the rest […]
Posted inNews
Keyboard Warrior Greg Abbott Invokes Proud Boys Slogan, Threatens Anti-ICE Protesters
Greg Abbott, part-time Texas governor and full-time social media tough guy, took a break from doing anything about actual problems to hop on X and issue a warning to protesters demonstrating against immigration enforcement. In a post that screamed “I watch too many tactical YouTube channels,” Abbott promised to arrest protesters who “cross the line” […]
Posted inOpinion
Gov. Abbott is Stuck Between His Lieutenant and a Bag of Gummies
Gov. Greg Abbott can’t be enjoying all this. On one side, his powerful lieutenant governor, Dan Patrick, is foaming at the mouth to rid Texas of THC products, waving candy-flavored edibles around like they’re contraband at a kindergarten show-and-tell. On the other, you’ve got hemp farmers, military veterans, and people who like sleeping through the […]
Posted inPolitics
Despite Passing THC Ban, Texas Lt. Gov. Throws Tantrum That Smells Like Panic
Dan Patrick should be on top of the world. Texas’ lieutenant governor has just strong-armed lawmakers to pass his pet bill that bans THC in Texas, despite most Texans being against it. But instead of celebrating, the 75-year-old Maryland native seems cranky. On Wednesday, he held a press conference that was straight out of a […]
Posted inNews
Texas is About to Ban All THC. Buy Your Gummies Now
Well, Texas, if you were hoping our elected officials might finally embrace reality, science, or even basic common sense when it comes to cannabis policy — lol, nope. Instead, the Texas House just gave a big yeehaw to banning all consumable hemp products that contain THC, because nothing says “freedom” like government micromanaging your gummies. […]
Posted inOpinion
Texas Tried to Ban Imaginary Furries in Schools. Yes, the Governor Was On Board. No, It’s Not a Joke.
Well, we’ve done it again, Texas. Added yet another deeply embarrassing chapter to our ever-growing “Are We the Problem?” scrapbook. This time, it involves a doomed piece of legislation so absurd, so disconnected from reality, you’d think it was cooked up in an internet comment section. But no — it had the official backing of […]
Posted inOpinion
Did Trump call Elon Musk Fat? Musk’s Own Chatbot Says Yes
If you need a visual metaphor for Elon Musk’s current life trajectory, just picture a human piñata with a fading hair transplant. First, Donald Trump goofs on him during a White House press conference, and then Musk’s own AI chatbot jumps in to confirm it. Folks, we are witnessing the rare two-pronged roast: presidential and […]