Every year has its share of oddities, but 2024 was filled with Texas news so strange it was like someone spiked our sweet tea with a little too much Tito’s.
From Enron coming back to life to a mayor suggesting we nuke a hurricane, we’ve had twelve months of truly bizarre headlines. There was a bartender who charged $80 just to shake margaritas, a Dairy Queen moonlighting as a meth purveyor, and even someone who hired a hitman using Bitcoin — to kill their boyfriend’s other girlfriend. At The Barbed Wire, we wrote about how Texas lawmakers continued to be obsessed with dildos, a medical school in Texas had to be told to stop turning bodies into drain juice, a dog solved a murder, and a Dallas influencer fought with police over the right to own a pet monkey. But we aren’t the only ones who cover weird news.
Snuggle up with some eggnog (or a margarita, screw it, it’s the holidays) and enjoy the 10 weirdest news stories written during our latest very cursed journey around the sun.
Enron Is (Sort of) Back
Guess who’s back from the dead? Enron! Well, kind of. The infamous energy giant, known for its corporate fraud and bankruptcy, has been resurrected — but not for energy. A company that makes T-shirts bought the Enron trademark for $275 and is now selling branded merch, including hoodies, hats, and even water bottles. The whole thing seems to be a performance art stunt from the creators of the iconic “Birds Aren’t Real” conspiracy theory, who might also be hinting at some crypto nonsense. Not everyone is into it! Meanwhile, Taylor Lorenz, the same journalist who wrote about Birds Aren’t Real for The New York Times (and a former colleague of our editor in chief), dropped an interview with the team behind the Enron reboot over the holidays.
Texas Mayor Suggests We Nuke a Hurricane
As Hurricane Milton approached Florida this fall, Colleyville mayor Bobby Lindamood suggested that the best way to stop it was to “throw a semi-nuke bomb” at it to stop its rotation. He later clarified it wasn’t a literal idea, just his way of expressing concern for Florida. Lindamood, a colorful character known for sharing QAnon memes and accidentally demolishing the wrong house (yes, really), has a history of questionable ideas. Happily, even Florida was not dumb enough to entertain this idea.
Woman Catches Historically Massive Fish in a Bayou
On the night of Aug. 31, Emilie Song hooked the catch of her life — an 8-foot, 300-pound alligator gar in a Texas bayou. Emilie, whose biggest prior catch was a 6-pound bass, battled the gar for 30 minutes before finally reeling the beast in. The monster fish, estimated to weigh up to 312 pounds, was likely the largest alligator gar ever caught by a woman. After tagging and releasing it, Emilie landed eight more gar before dawn, which honestly makes her a legend.
Texas Man Allegedly Booby-Traps Toilets with Fireworks
As if using a public restroom wasn’t stressful enough, one San Antonio man decided to really up the ante — by adding “pressure-activated” fireworks to the mix, police said. Paul Moses Alden allegedly turned car wash toilets into mini fireworks shows, injuring unsuspecting users after police said he attached explosives to toilets. Caught on camera entering bathrooms and casually hanging out, Alden’s master plan unraveled when employees reportedly recognized him — because he used his membership card. We’ll let you add your own punchline here.
Turtles Stolen (for Soup) from Houston Bar
At a Houston bar, one man was accused of being a complete weirdo and kidnapping two snapping turtles for “turtle soup.” Anthony Galvan, armed with shrimp bait and questionable morals, allegedly snatched the pair from the bar’s nearby creek. After an online outcry, he returned the turtles. No charges were filed, but maybe the bar should install a turtle cam (because people are awful).
Dallas Bartender Charged Extra to Shake a Margarita
In Texas, shaking margaritas apparently costs extra? A woman dining in Dallas was floored to find her bill included an $80 “prep” fee — $3 to $15 per drink — for the bartender to shake her margaritas, according to a video she posted online (and which was promptly picked up by The New York Post). Social media erupted, and lifelong bartenders labeled the charge “insane.” And — even for Dallas — it seemed a little excessive.
First-Grade Teacher Revoked Bathroom Breaks as Punishment
A Conroe ISD first-grade teacher was out of a job after enforcing the world’s worst potty policy — refusing to let students use the restroom as punishment for losing the pass. Unsurprisingly, chaos ensued, with five kids having “accidents” in class. Parents were understandably outraged, and the district quickly parted ways with the teacher, though they didn’t say whether it was a firing or a dramatic exit.
Woman Tries to Have Boyfriend’s Other Girlfriend Axed — Using Bitcoin
Crypto has many uses, including attempted murder! A Bedford woman was sentenced to federal prison for trying to hire a hitman to eliminate her boyfriend’s romantic rival. In a plot straight out of a soap opera, Michelle Murphy used $10,000 worth of Bitcoin on the dark web to fund the murder-for-hire scheme. Turns out, the hitman was probably just a scammer because the crime was never carried out. The victim? Her boyfriend’s other girlfriend. Murphy was caught at the airport and admitted to arranging the killing after discovering her man was two-timing her.
AI Chatbot Tells Texas Kid to Kill Parents, Terrifying Lawsuit Claims
Turns out the killer robots we feared are chatty AI sidekicks allegedly egging on teens to rebel against screen-time rules. A lawsuit filed by Texas families claims the chatbot app Character.AI told a 17-year-old boy with autism that his parents “didn’t deserve kids” and even floated the idea of murder as a response to grounding him. The app, once rated for ages 12 and older, allegedly exposed another child to sexualized content for two years. (The app is no longer recommended for kids under 13, or under 16 for EU residents.) Look, if your kid’s imaginary friend starts plotting crimes, maybe it’s time to unplug.
In ‘Operation Blizzard,’ Dairy Queen Workers Accused of Selling Meth
A group of Dairy Queen employees in Clifton were arrested after allegedly running a meth ring right under the noses of customers. The investigation, named “Operation Blizzard” (nice), revealed that the employees were selling meth at the DQ and around town, police said. Undercover officers made several buys at the store, leading to a series of arrests and drug busts at local apartments. In total, 10 people were arrested. But honestly, if making highly addictive treats is a crime, lock us up.
